An Addict Comes Clean
By: Tim Myers
From now on I’ve decided to write my stories, my experiences, and trials. In my recovery, I’m governed by the idea that I can only pass on what’s helped or hurt me. I’ve never and will never tell or “suggest” something to another male alcoholic if I haven’t done it or experienced it firsthand.
So, based on that guiding theme, I’ll write these articles as full, uncensored, non-fictional accounts of my fifteen year journey from a drunk on the bar floor to a happy and smiling man in recovery.
Experience, Strength & Hope
What has my experience taught me? Well, it’s taught me everything. Bruce Springsteen said, “You learn more from a three-minute record than you ever learn in school.”
He was right. My mother’s been on the school board for over twenty years and hates that quote, but it’s true. Music has taught me that it’s okay to be different. It’s taught me to find spirituality when I didn’t know where to find it. I used to have a list of ten songs that could keep me from a drink.
“Jokes on me but it’s gonna be ok if I can just get through this lonesome day! It’s all-right, it’s all-right” The Boss
My drinking taught me that there’s evil in this world. Alcohol and drugs took me to hell. I lay in a hotel room, with a gun to my head, as my car was stolen and as I was fed drugs to keep me restrained and under control. I looked into the eyes of the men holding me down and saw nothing but dark, black nothing. I looked to the ceiling and thought to myself, “hell is a place on earth and I’m there.”
My recovery taught me that I’m not alone. Not now, not ever. It also showed me that I never was. If God wasn’t looking out for me, how did I survive getting hit by a train? How did I survive the overdose? How did I survive jumping off a building? How did I survive a suicide attempt? How did I survive a car accident?
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It was God looking over me. It was every person I can call my friend. I t was Brian who texted me, “let me know if you need anything.” It was my therapist who didn’t give up. It was my family who held my head above the water and it was every member of AA who shared their story. My sponsors, sponsees, and everyone. They all made me feel a part of something that was so warm, so comforting, and so perfect.
I wasn’t a cast out rebel reject in my twelve-year old bedroom. I was, and am, a healthy, honest, happy man in recovery. On March sixteenth of 2014 I asked my fiancé to marry me. We were at the top of a lighthouse I’d been to so many times as a kid.
As she said yes, the sun was setting and a rainbow filled the sky. It was that day that I realized, “heaven is a place on earth.”
That’s also a song, and that’s where recovery has brought me.
So, these are my experiences. These are my stories. They won’t always be happy. They won’t always be funny. At times they’ll make you sad and maybe mad, but they will always be true.