Tag: family addiction

Five Signs That Your Loved One Needs Rehab

By: Tim Myers

When Should I Send a Loved One to Treatment?

How do you know if the person you love needs to go to a substance abuse treatment center? Many of you may think this question seems pretty silly. Some of you may find this very helpful. Many of you may find yourself thinking, “Thank God someone is breaking this down for me!”

five signs your loved one needs rehab

The truth is that the answer isn’t as clear-cut as I once thought it was. I was a slam-dunk case, anyone within a ten-mile radius knew I needed help and I needed it fast. Over the past decade, I’ve seen that this isn’t always the case.

The disease of addiction can and does take many different forms. It hides in good grades, financial stability, and a stable home. What looks like a functioning member of society can actually be the alcoholic who’s suffering the most.

To help sort out this dilemma, one that my family and I recently went though, I’ve made a list of the top five signs your loved one needs treatment.

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5) Their Actions Don’t Match Their Words

Those of us with a problem always have the best intentions. They’re always just that though, intentions. They’re rarely actual results.

“I’m going to be home by dinner,” or “I’ll be getting a job next week,” or “My grades haven’t come out yet, but I’ll bring them to you as soon as I have them” are common in our vocabulary.

Broken promises and unfulfilled intentions can be a clear sign of addiction. When the drug or the booze becomes the most important thing in a person’s life, everything else falls by the wayside. Your loved one does mean what they say, and they probably intend on following through, but if it even smells a tad bit like what they promised will conflict with them getting high, they’ll chose the drug every time.

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4) They Disappear

When I heard my cousins’ called their Dad “Houdini,” I asked why. “Because he’s always disappearing,” they said. I knew this meant he was addicted to something and I was right.

People who don’t have a problem with drugs and alcohol are always present and don’t need to sneak away. They also don’t take ten-minute bathroom breaks every ten minutes. They don’t need to go to the gas station everyday.

If they’re consistently late because of “traffic,” I’d take a closer look at their route home. The consistently missing or absent person may seem simply aloof or busy, but they’re most likely hiding something.

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3) You Never See Their Friends

This isn’t because they don’t have any. It’s because their friends are most likely people that you normally wouldn’t associate with. Drunks and drug dealers are not the type you bring home to Mom and Dad. They’re the last resource for companionship on the final leg of the journey down the bottle. Your loved one only hints at these people. They may have full profiles and grand stories of their existence, but they never fully materialize in person.

2) They Never Let You in Their Car

My car was my safe haven when I was using. I was the only one who was in it. I was the only one who had a key and it could be moved quickly whenever I was in danger of being caught.

how to tell someone needs rehab

The addict or alcoholic’s secrets are normally kept in their car. It’s the place they spend most of their time and it’s private. It may be the one place that’s disorganized and disheveled, while the rest of their life seems to be in tiptop shape.

If your loved one goes out of their way to keep you out of their car, there’s most likely a pretty good reason for it.

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1) They Lie…A Lot

People who lie a lot have something to hide. People who have something to hide are doing something wrong. People who do things that are wrong, and keep doing them, have a problem. People who have problems need help.

If you know someone who needs help, call us now at 1-844-I-CAN-CHANGE or 1-(561)-381-0015

My Brother is in Rehab…What Now?

You’re in Recovery and Your Brother is in Rehab…What Do You Do?

By: Tim Myers

Nothing. You do nothing. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. You do nothing. Well, maybe make a sign that says Do Nothing, and hang it next to your bed.

I’m in recovery. I’ve been sober for almost four years. My brother’s in treatment and is scheduled to get out in just a few days. I’m not handling it very well.

family in rehab

First of all I’m like, “WHY WASN’T I A BETTER BROTHER!!??” That’s just me being a drama king. I know how I’ve lived my life for the past three years has showed him that we can recover. I know that, but still the feeling that I could’ve done more to prevent his addiction pops up.

Having those thoughts is arrogant as all hell. I’m not more powerful than addiction. If I were, I probably wouldn’t have pretended I was superman, tied a bath towel to my neck, and jumped from my horrible ex-girlfriend’s second story bedroom window…twice.

After I call my sponsor, I know it’s not my fault, but now I think I’m Superman again. “I CAN HELP, I CAN HELP, LOOK I’M SOBER!” Good for me, I should be sober! I shouldn’t get special attention now that my brother is hurting. Lord knows I’ve had my family’s attention for far to long anyway.

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Helping Myself…Helps My Brother

My brother, the one in treatment, used to call me the “golden child.” He didn’t call me this because I was really fantastic, but because when I messed up my parents would say, “OH TIMMY!” and when I would do great things, like stay sober for a few moths, they’d say, “OH TIMMY!”

So, enough of Timmy. I’m not needed to help my brother right now. I’m not qualified and I’m still a newcomer. If my family could’ve gotten me sober, I wouldn’t have ended up in nine rehabs in five different sates in a ten-year period. My brother needs his space. He needs his own path, his own story, and his own life. I know this, so I’ll unpack my bags.

I’m sitting here racking my brain, trying to figure out what I can do. I realize anything I do to try and help my brother could possibly hurt him. I also realize that anything I do to help myself might help my brother.

This is the time I need to hit more meetings. This is the time I need to check out Al-Anon. This is the time to connect with fellow recovering friends who’ve been through the same struggles.

I could raise my hand at a meeting. I could buy a drunk I’m not related to a cup of coffee. I could pray and mediate. The best thing I can do for my brother is take care of myself. The worst thing I can do is get so caught up in his stuff that I let my own program fall into the pit.

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Attraction Rather Than Promotion

I look back to when I had five months sober. I looked at my sponsor like an older brother. If he had relapsed, it would have been a major blow to the idea that recovery is real and possible. It would have been a major blow to the idea that God is real and he loves me. If I go down, if I drink, there may not be too many other role models for my brother to look towards.

It wasn’t my fault. Thank God. I shouldn’t put the cape on and save the day (because it can’t be saved by anyone other than God).

I need to do nothing for my brother. I need to remain where I am. I need to take car of myself in all the ways I want to take care of him. I need to do nothing for my brother. I need to do everything for myself and the others who ask for my help.

I can do nothing for my brother right now, but by doing nothing, I may be helping him get everything.

Learn how to get your family back after addiction

Am I Doomed to be an Addict? The Link Between Addiction and Genes

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Kevin McEnroe’s Story: Addiction and Genetics

On July 15th, Kevin McEnroe was arrested on drug charges. Kevin is the son of tennis legend John McEnroe and Academy Award winning actress Tatum O’Neal.

Addiction and Genetics

Kevin was arrested in New York City’s East Village. Upon searching him, police found a LOT of drugs. In total, they confiscated: one Tranxene pill, six bags of coke, ten Morphine pills, ten unidentified pills, and twenty oxycodone pills.

Kevin’s dealer was also arrested. He was carrying thirteen bags and three large vials of coke.

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So What’s the Big Deal?

Another privileged white guy from New York arrested for drug possession. Is this story even news? At first glance, maybe it isn’t. Let’s dig just a bit deeper, though.

Did you know that both his father and mother are addicts? That’s right, John McEnroe and Tatum O’Neal both used to get high.

John got sober a long time ago, but Tatum is a different story. She was sober for a number of years. She even wrote a bestselling memoir about her addiction. In 2008, she was arrested for attempting to buy crack.

This raises the REAL question, is addiction genetic?

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Is Addiction Genetic?

There’s no easy answer for the question of whether addiction is genetic. It is and it isn’t. There are some hard facts, though.

• Addiction is about 50% genetic and 50% environmental

• Children of addicts are eight times more likely to become addicts themselves

• Your genes aren’t your destiny

This last part is important. Remember, addiction is part genetic and part environmental. That’s where personal growth and individual responsibility come in.

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Why is Addiction Genetic?

One of the reasons genes play such a large role in addiction is that, millions of years ago, they served an important purpose. Think about it like this – when an animal eats a food that’s good for it, there’s an evolutionary advantage to associating pleasure with that food.

Today, humans no longer need this particular gene, but it’s still there. It’s hardwired into our makeup by millions of years of evolution. Because we no longer need to associate pleasure with berries, the gene finds other ways to work. It tells our brain “wow, that hit of crack was great!” or “I should do heroin again.”

Am I in Trouble?

Addiction being partly genetic means different things for different people. However, we can offer some broad suggestions.

First, find out if your family has a history of addiction. This will let you know whether you’re genetically at risk. If there is a family history of addiction, you should abstain from drug and alcohol use. If you choose not to abstain, you should have a third party, like a therapist, monitor your use carefully. If there’s no family history of addiction, well, you should still carefully monitor your alcohol and drug use!

Now, what about if you’re in recovery and want children? There’s definitely a family history of addiction. The best thing you can do is pass on healthy coping skills to your children. This can mean bringing them to meetings with you, so they’re aware of the dangers they face from substances. This can mean becoming involved in family therapy. This can mean inviting them to join in your prayer and meditation routine.

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