Tag: powerlessness

My Brother is in Rehab…What Now?

You’re in Recovery and Your Brother is in Rehab…What Do You Do?

By: Tim Myers

Nothing. You do nothing. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. You do nothing. Well, maybe make a sign that says Do Nothing, and hang it next to your bed.

I’m in recovery. I’ve been sober for almost four years. My brother’s in treatment and is scheduled to get out in just a few days. I’m not handling it very well.

family in rehab

First of all I’m like, “WHY WASN’T I A BETTER BROTHER!!??” That’s just me being a drama king. I know how I’ve lived my life for the past three years has showed him that we can recover. I know that, but still the feeling that I could’ve done more to prevent his addiction pops up.

Having those thoughts is arrogant as all hell. I’m not more powerful than addiction. If I were, I probably wouldn’t have pretended I was superman, tied a bath towel to my neck, and jumped from my horrible ex-girlfriend’s second story bedroom window…twice.

After I call my sponsor, I know it’s not my fault, but now I think I’m Superman again. “I CAN HELP, I CAN HELP, LOOK I’M SOBER!” Good for me, I should be sober! I shouldn’t get special attention now that my brother is hurting. Lord knows I’ve had my family’s attention for far to long anyway.

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Helping Myself…Helps My Brother

My brother, the one in treatment, used to call me the “golden child.” He didn’t call me this because I was really fantastic, but because when I messed up my parents would say, “OH TIMMY!” and when I would do great things, like stay sober for a few moths, they’d say, “OH TIMMY!”

So, enough of Timmy. I’m not needed to help my brother right now. I’m not qualified and I’m still a newcomer. If my family could’ve gotten me sober, I wouldn’t have ended up in nine rehabs in five different sates in a ten-year period. My brother needs his space. He needs his own path, his own story, and his own life. I know this, so I’ll unpack my bags.

I’m sitting here racking my brain, trying to figure out what I can do. I realize anything I do to try and help my brother could possibly hurt him. I also realize that anything I do to help myself might help my brother.

This is the time I need to hit more meetings. This is the time I need to check out Al-Anon. This is the time to connect with fellow recovering friends who’ve been through the same struggles.

I could raise my hand at a meeting. I could buy a drunk I’m not related to a cup of coffee. I could pray and mediate. The best thing I can do for my brother is take care of myself. The worst thing I can do is get so caught up in his stuff that I let my own program fall into the pit.

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Attraction Rather Than Promotion

I look back to when I had five months sober. I looked at my sponsor like an older brother. If he had relapsed, it would have been a major blow to the idea that recovery is real and possible. It would have been a major blow to the idea that God is real and he loves me. If I go down, if I drink, there may not be too many other role models for my brother to look towards.

It wasn’t my fault. Thank God. I shouldn’t put the cape on and save the day (because it can’t be saved by anyone other than God).

I need to do nothing for my brother. I need to remain where I am. I need to take car of myself in all the ways I want to take care of him. I need to do nothing for my brother. I need to do everything for myself and the others who ask for my help.

I can do nothing for my brother right now, but by doing nothing, I may be helping him get everything.

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What is Powerlessness and What Does it Really Mean?

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Definition of Drug Addict

This is the Meaning of Powerlessness

What is the definition of “drug addict” and what does it mean to be “powerless”? These are concepts inherently tied to each other. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the definition of powerless is, “without power, strength, or ability; wholly unable to act, influence, etc.; helpless, impotent.”

Any experience of powerlessness requires a lack of power, of strength, of effectiveness. For me, this experience occurred the first time I did drugs. Of course, I didn’t experience powerlessness at that moment. In fact, I felt whole for the first time in my life. I watched my problems melt away as the soothing effects of opiates took control. In this haze, I knew that as long as I felt like this for the rest of my life, I’d be okay. An “addict” definition may vary from person to person, but those who find themselves to be powerless before drugs may very will meet the definition of “drug addict.”

addict definition

It occurs to me that I didn’t experience powerlessness while on drugs. Rather, I was powerless when my drugs ran out. I remember the anxiety of being without pills. I had a benzo addiction, an opiate addiction, a cocaine addiction, and an alcohol addiction. Basically, you name it and I needed it to survive.

From that point on, I was powerless over my addiction. I met the definition of “drug addict” and I didn’t like it. I experienced powerlessness in a way I didn’t know existed. I was completely without power, without strength, without any ability to control how much I used.

I also lacked power over my obsessive thoughts about drugs. Pills and powder were constantly on my mind – and that’s part of the “addict” definition. Wherever I went, I thought about them. Once I began using, I had no control over the amount I’d take that day. Sometimes, I’d only use a little. Mostly, I’d use however much I could get my hands on.

Learn how the obsession to use drugs/alcohol can be removed

Powerlessness implies a lack of control. Looking back, it’s as if from the moment I took that first drug, I had no control over my addiction. Now, as I grow in my recovery, I realize how little control I have over most situations.

I can’t control my roommate’s perception of something when we’re trying to compromise. I can’t control whether or not I get that awesome job. It’s easy to wonder what the point of recovery is at all. Of course, the answer is glaringly obvious if you work a twelve-step program!

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The answer is that my power comes from a much greater force acting in my life. Yes, I’m powerless, but I have a Higher Power with a much better plan!

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