Eight months ago, I was homeless, unemployed, and soulless, all because I was completely and totally dependent on heroin. I know I definitely had zero intention of going to a Delray Beach Rehab. I literally slept under bridges and on park benches. I was a shell of the person I used to be, nodding out from too much heroin when I managed to score some, or running around the worst parts of town like a zombie in need of blood from The Walking Dead when I was looking for more of my drug. It was my lifeline. I was so in over my head that everyone had given up on me because the pain of watching me go downhill was too much for them. They knew there was nothing left they could do.
My Darkest Days As A Heroin Addict
I didn’t think about going to rehab. I didn’t care to. My life was what was right in front of me: the endless pursuit of my next hit. I didn’t give a damn about anything else. It’s hard to put into words what that kind of life is like. You are no longer a part of society, it’s almost as if you are one of the feral cats roaming the streets. Not a cute kitten, but one that looks like it has been in daily fights for years and most likely has rabies. That was me.
I was living this way for a little over a year. How I survived I’ll never know. I got picked up by the cops one spring morning as I was hanging out with my dope dealer, up to no good in a seedy hotel room. I would have once through that room was disgusting, but in my current state at the time it was a luxury. The cops stormed in, it wasn’t the first time I had a gun pointed at my face, and I was taken away in handcuffs.
My sentence included rehab. I thought it was a joke, but I agreed to go so that some of my legal problems would go away. Off I went to a South Florida, with my destination being a Delray Beach rehab center.
My First Week at The Delray Beach Rehab
When I got to admissions, I was 105 pounds, which was entirely too little for my 5’5, naturally curvy frame. They drug tested me, asked me a million questions, and the detox process started. The next few days were horrible, hot, painful, stomach churning, sad, horrifying, and shameful. It took about 5 full days for me to feel somewhat human and to begin participating in groups, meeting with my therapist, and eating substantial meals.
When I was with it enough to speak with my therapist one on one, we actually called my parents and brother, who knew where I was but had been so estranged that we hadn’t talked to or seen each other in nearly a year. We all cried. They agreed to come in and visit me over the course of my stay.
By the end of my first week at rehab, I had come to enough to realize the severity of how I had been living my life and wished I could go back to being the cheerleading, tennis playing, peppy teenage girl I had once been. However, I couldn’t dwell in the past if I wanted to move forward, so ahead I looked.
Learning About Myself at The Delray Recovery Center
In the rest of my time at treatment, I had the opportunity to learn more about myself than I ever knew I could. I learned the how’s and why’s of my addiction and I realized that I can actually change if I want to. Knowing that was hugely empowering, because once you break away from the addiction, you have the power to get your life back.
Sober Living in Delray
I left rehab after 60 days and continued my treatment by living in sober living in Delray beach while attending an intensive outpatient program. I did the work, and it was tough. I wanted to kill people some days, and I certainly wanted to get high. But my newfound connection with a higher power and myself helped me to stay sober, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.
I still have scars of my addiction. I have legal problems that are still waiting to be resolved, I contracted Hepatitis C while using needles, I’m still repairing relationships with my family, and I still struggle with my addiction daily. But I’m eight months sober on the day I’m writing this, and I never thought that would be possible.
If someone as low in their life as I was can do it, anyone can. No matter who you are, what your circumstances are, or how low you have gone, there is hope, and you can have your life back.