What Is Detaching with Love and How Will It End My Childs Drug Abuse?
Detachment with love is an essential and vital tool used by the family members of an individual suffering from drug abuse. Detaching with love is a tool that can actually be applied to anyone whose behaviors have become detrimental to the physical or mental health of a loved one. The origins of detachment with love can be traced back to the Al-Anon program, the 12-step help group for family and friends of an alcoholic or individual engaging in drug abuse.
At its core detaching with love is eliminating all forms of enabling, without cutting off all ties to the person you love. To those new to the world of drug abuse and recovery, enabling may seem to be a purely financial gesture but it is far more than that and ending the enabling at all levels may force the addict to have his or her needs met through peers in recovery and at drug addiction help centers.
The 3 Forms of Enabling
There are three form of enabling behaviors that could prevent the addict you care from seeking help. It is important to look at each form of enabling so that as a parent, guardian, or friend you know what exact behaviors to cease. Once you have stopped enabling you can truly detach with love.
1. Passive Enabling (Providing Comfort)
This includes any action or absence of action that makes the addicts life easier to deal with.
- Allowing the addict to stay in your home if they are using
- Tolerating destructive behaviors
- Denying, rationalizing and or minimizing on their behalf
- Avoiding confronting harmful behavior
- Not calling the police when they have committed a crime
2. Active Enabling (Removing Consequences)
Consequences are in most cases the only thing that brings the person suffering from drug abuse to seek drug addiction help. Active enabling removes these consequences and makes it much more difficult for the addict to find recovery.
- Accepting their financial responsibilities
- Blaming yourself or others for there behavior
- Taking the the negative consequences on yourself sparing the loved one
- Giving the addict free rent, money food or clothes
3. Encouragement Enabling (Encouraging Addictive Behaviors and Drug Abuse)
This is any thing that makes it possible for the person engaging in drug abuse to continue using, thus preventing them from finding drug addiction help.
- Giving money to support the addicts drug abuse
- Using with the person engaged in drug abuse
- Putting yourself in jeopardy by allowing drug activities in the home
- Providing transportation for the addict to the bar or to meet drug dealers
Addicts Move Closer to Recovery When You Detach with Love
Now that you know all the forms of enabling, the hardest part is quitting those behaviors. This does not mean that you must have no contact with the person you love, it just means that you will not be participating in any behaviors that could promote further use. If they need money, they’ll need to get a job. If the addict needs a place to stay, they need to find one. A few nights on the street or eating at a soup kitchen will show them that these are the results of their addiction and something needs to change. If you comfort them and provide all the things they should be acquiring on their own, then they have no incentive to stop abusing drugs. Detaching with love can be very difficult and you do not have to figure out this whole concept on your own. We have family programs available and welcome your call.
It can be difficult for parents of addicts and loved ones of addicts to understand when they are engaging in enabling behaviors. If you have any questions or are trying to get help for a loved one who is suffering from drug addiction or alcoholism, you can call Lighthouse today at 1-866-308-2090.